half moon arch wedding

Ever heard a joke so bad, it’s actually kind of good? That’s the magic of dad jokes. These groan-worthy puns and cheesy one-liners are a beloved tradition, often delivered with a straight face and a twinkle in the eye. While they may not win any comedy awards, dad jokes have a unique ability to bring a smile to even the most serious faces. Get ready to cringe, chuckle, and maybe even groan a little as we dive into a collection of 197 of the best dad jokes that are actually quite amusing.

DAD JOKES ABOUT VACATION

• Why don’t oysters go on vacation? Because they’re shellfish!
• Why do cows love vacation? Because they can moo-ve freely!
• Why did the math book go to the beach? To work on its tan!
• What did the beach say when the tide came in? Long time, no sea!
• Why did the computer go to the beach? To surf the net!

DAD JOKES ABOUT DRINKS

• Why did the coffee call the cops? It got mugged!
• What type of coffee does a vampire drink? Decoffin-ated!
• How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his tea before it was cool!
• How does a coffee bean hit on someone? “Hey brew-tiful!”
• Why is coffee so good at solving mysteries? Because it always has a latte clues!
• What do you call a nervous cup of tea? Anxi-tea!
• What’s coffee’s favorite type of music? R&Brew!
• What do you call a sad cup of tea? Steeped in sorrow!
• Why did the tea leaf avoid the hot water? It said, “I’m not ready to steep into that yet!”

DAD JOKES ABOUT READING

• I’m reading a book about mazes. I got lost in it!
• I’m reading a book about submarines. It’s super deep!
• I’m reading a book about glue. I can’t seem to put it down!
• I’m reading a book on clocks. It’s about time!
• Let’s make a reservation at the library before they’re booked!
• What’s a librarian’s favorite type of music? Shhh-mooth jazz!

DAD JOKES ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA

• Why did the scarecrow join LinkedIn? Because he wanted to become outstanding in his field!
• What did the dad say when he couldn’t log into his social media account? “Looks like I’ll have to face(book) the music!”
• Why did the dad take a ladder to his Instagram profile? Because he heard it had a lot of posts!
• What do you call someone who gets easily annoyed in the comments section? An insta-grump.

DAD JOKES ABOUT FAMILIES

• My son has his BA and his MA, but his P­A still supports him.
• My daughter’s fourth birthday was today. When she came to see me, I didn’t recognize her at first. I had never seen her be four.
• I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house, but the kids still get in.

DAD JOKES ABOUT CHORES

• I’m really not into spring cleaning. Come to think of it, I’m not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either.
• I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It’s just something I could really see myself doing.
• When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.
• My wife and I were having an argument about whose turn it was to do the laundry. In the end, I threw in the towel.

CHEESY DAD JOKES

• Why are pirates called pirates? They just ARRRR!
• How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
• Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears.
• Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired.

CORNY DAD JOKES

• Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
• Why can’t a leopard hide? He’s always spotted.
• What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
• Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice.
• What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

DAD JOKES ABOUT TECHNOLOGY

• What was the spider doing on the computer? He was making a web-site.
• What did the computer have during his break time? He had a byte!
• What shoes do computers love the most? Re-boots.
• Why did the computer go to the dentist? To get his Bluetooth checked.

DAD JOKES THAT WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH

• I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
• I went to buy some camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
• I was going to tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn’t like it.

DAD JOKES ABOUT HOUSES

• How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it’s on the house.
• Can a frog jump higher than a house? Of course, a house can’t jump.
• If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there.

DAD JOKES THAT MAKE YOU THINK

• I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I guess I should have put it on aloha setting.
• Don’t trust Adams. They make up everything.
• What did the zero say to the eight? That belt looks good on you.

DAD JOKES ABOUT LOVE

• We’re not socks. But I think we’d make a great pair.
• Do you like vegetables? Because I love you from my head tomatoes.
• Never laugh at your significant other’s choices — because you happen to be one of them.

DAD JOKES ABOUT SUMMER

• What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
• What do you call a Golden Retriever at the beach? A hot dog.
• Why don’t fish go on summer vacation? Because they’re always in schools.

DAD JOKES ABOUT LAZINESS

• Don’t get mad at lazy people. They didn’t do anything.
• Interviewer: “Describe yourself in three words.” Interviewee: “Lazy.”
• Want to hear a joke about procrastination? I’ll tell you later.

DAD JOKES ABOUT CARS

• What do you call a Ford Fiesta that ran out of gas? A Ford Siesta.
• I couldn’t figure out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
• What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S? Automobile.

DAD JOKES ABOUT MONEY

• Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold, hard cash.
• Where does 007 invest his money? In the bond market.
• What did the comedian say when he walked into the bank? This is a standup.

DAD JOKES ABOUT MUSIC

• What’s the best kind of music to listen to when fishing? Something catchy.
• What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
• What kind of music does a boulder like? Rock ‘n’ roll.
• Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

DAD JOKES ABOUT BOOKS

• What has a spine but no bones? A book.
• What would happen if you threw all the books in the ocean? It would cause a title wave.
• Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity? It’s impossible to put down.

DAD JOKES ABOUT PARENTHOOD

• “Today my son asked me, ‘Can I have a bookmark’? I burst into tears — he’s 12 years old and still doesn’t know my name!”
• What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? “Bison!”
• When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.

DAD JOKES ABOUT FATHER’S DAY

• What did the baby computer say to its dad on Father’s Day? Happy Father’s Day, Data!
• Why don’t they have Father’s Day sales? Because fathers are priceless.
• Why did the kids give their dad a blanket for Father’s Day? Because they thought he was the coolest dad.

DAD JOKES ABOUT WORK

• Why did the construction workers always bring a pencil to lunch? They wanted to draw their own conclusions!
• Why did the sandwich get a promotion? Because he was the best thing since sliced bread.
• Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? They took a day off.
• I used to work for the paper business. But then it folded.
• I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out nobody thought I was fare.

DAD JOKES ABOUT HAIRCUTS

• How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
• “Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”

DAD JOKES THAT PROVOKE A GOOD-NATURED EYE ROLL

• I recently visited the “World’s Tiniest Wind Turbine” exhibit. Honestly, not a big fan.
• How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.

DAD JOKES ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

• My wife found a spider in our house and told me to take it out, so I did. We had a few drinks, pretty nice guy.
• My wife screamed, “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?!” What a weird place to start a conversation.
• My wife is mad I keep introducing her as my “ex-girlfriend”. So I went with “ex-fiancé” instead.
• Wife: “Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?” Husband: “How can I? I don’t even know her.”
• Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.

DAD JOKES ABOUT BEING OLD

• What is a prize old people can win for aging? Atrophy.
• Now that I’ve gotten older, everything’s finally starting to click for me. My knees, my back, my neck…
• Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

DAD JOKES ABOUT GETTING OLDER

• How is the moon like dentures? Both come out at night.
• What do you call someone who enjoys Mondays? Retired.
• If you lose something in a senior care home, don’t stop looking until you’ve searched every nook and granny.
• An old woman is sitting at a bar when an older gentleman sits down beside her. “So,” he says, “Do I come here often?”

DAD JOKES ABOUT BODY & MIND

• Dad: Well, you know what they say, the memory is the second thing to go. Son: What’s the first? Dad: I forget.
• Stop thinking of them as “hot flashes.” Think of them as your inner child playing with matches.
• I told my doctor I could only hear buzzing. He said don’t worry, it’s just a bug going around.

DAD JOKES ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

• What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married? Can’t elope.
• Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.
• Did you hear about the two florists who got married? It was an arranged marriage.
• Two cannonballs got married this morning. I hear they’re already expecting BBs.
• I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant, and the groom was glowing.

DAD JOKES ABOUT WEDDINGS

• I went to a really emotional wedding last week, even the cake was in tiers.
• My antenna married my neighbor’s antenna. The wedding was not so good as this one, but the reception was fantastic!

DAD JOKES ABOUT CANDLES

• Do you know why I get heartburn when I eat birthday cake? I always forget to blow out the candles!
• Why do people put birthday candles on top of a birthday cake? Because you can’t put them on the bottom, can you?!
• What kind of candle burns longer than others? None, silly — they all burn shorter.
• Why do candles love birthdays? They like to get lit.

DAD JOKES FOR BIRTHDAYS

• What happens if no one turns up to your birthday party? You get to have you cake and eat it, too.
• Why didn’t the teddy bear eat any of its birthday cake? Because it was already stuffed!
• Why don’t kids remember their past birthday parties? They’re too focused on the present!
• What type of party do you throw for a dog’s birthday? A ball.
• What are you if you go to a ghost birthday party? The life of the party!

DAD JOKES ABOUT SPORTS

• Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he throws the ball? If he raises them both, he’d fall down.
• Where does a majority of a hockey player’s salary come from? The tooth fairy.
• I kept wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
• What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
• Why don’t football players were glasses? It’s a contact sport.
• Why couldn’t the baby score in basketball? He was always dribbling.
• What’s the best animal in soccer? A score-pion.

DAD JOKES ABOUT ANIMALS

• Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby? Because she was a little horse.
• What do you say when a chicken is looking at salad? Chicken sees a salad.
• What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
• Where would you find an elephant? The same place you lost her.
• What’s a dog’s favorite super hero? Labra-Thor.
• What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
• A man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back. “I am a turtle,” he says. “Who’s on your back?” “That’s Michelle.”
• Why aren’t dogs allowed in bars? Because they can’t control their licker.
• What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.

DAD JOKES FOR KIDS

• What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
• I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
• Why did the kid bring a ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.
• I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels. She said, “Yes, try Sarah Topps.”
• What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
• What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
• Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
• I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey…. but I turned myself around.

DAD JOKES ABOUT FOOD

• Someone told me that it’s impossible to make a pun about vegetables. I said that’s not nececelery true.
• My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk!
• Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is!
• What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where’s Pop Corn?
• What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
• What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
• I tried all morning to cook up an egg-related pun, but I couldn’t crack it.
• How do you make an apple turnover? Push it downhill.

FUNNY DAD JOKES

• What do you call a Frenchman who has been attacked by a cat? Claude.
• My 6-year-old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill. Looks like she’s preparing some kind of barbie queue.
• How can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? Easy, one will see you later, the other will see you in a while.

SILLY DAD JOKES

• What has five toes but isn’t your foot? My foot.
• What looks like half a tree? The other half.
• Two guys walked into a bar… the third one ducked.
• Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they play golf? In case they get a hole in one.

WORST DAD JOKES THAT WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH

• Have you heard of the new sport called quiet tennis? It’s like normal tennis but without the racket.
• Why did the god of thunder need to stretch his legs? He was a little Thor.
• What’s the least spoken language? Sign language.
• What building in your town has the most stories? The public library.
• Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I’m going to the beer store and I’m scared it will be closed.
• If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.

CRINGIEST DAD JOKES

• Did you hear the joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tear-able.
• What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
• What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh, sheet.
• What was even more useful than the first telephone? The second telephone.
• I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
• Went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way and I should have left him in the garden.

PUNNIEST DAD JOKES

• Son: “Dad, can you please explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” Dad: “No sun.”
• Why did the man fall down the well? He couldn’t see that well.
• I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to win. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
• Where do you take someone who’s been in a peek-a-boo accident? The ICU.
• Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory? There was nothing left but debris.
• How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

BEST DAD JOKES THAT ARE ACTUALLY (KIND OF) FUNNY

• As I get older, I remember all of the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the right choice.
• Went to the bar tonight. Good times. Only a 15-minute walk. But the walk home took 45 minutes, the difference was staggering.
• I recently took a pole. And found that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

RANDOM DAD JOKES

• Why don’t skeletons get out of town during the Halloween season? They don’t have the guts!
• Why was the math book upset? It had too many problems.
• How do you put together a space party? You planet.
• What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta
• I wish I could tell you a joke about an elevator, but it’s an uplifting experience.
• Why don’t airplanes ever get lost? Because they always wing it!
• Why did the ghosts go to the party? It was all for the boos.
• I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
• I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me.
• Why did the bicycle go to bed so early? It was two-tired!
• Why are scientists so skeptical of atoms? Because they make up everything!