it's okay to have a bad day

HOW TO BREAK THE BAD CYCLE OF BACKTALK

Backtalk is the bane of every parent’s existence. It makes us feel disrespected and untrustworthy. Because we most often know what’s best for our child, backtalk is that reminder that tells us — you’re still not in complete control. It shows us that our children have desires, struggles, and opinions. At the end of the day, they will still make their choices, and to some parents, that feels scary.

Before we explore solutions to this issue, let’s first understand why kids backtalk. It’s not always a negative behavior, and rather than reacting harshly, we can view it as an opportunity for a teachable moment.

Why do kids talk back?

As parents, it’s easy to forget that our children are individuals with their own thoughts and feelings. While we set the rules in the house, that doesn’t mean we should stifle their ability to express their opinions. Too often, parents use their authority to silence their child’s voice, and this can be harmful. Over time, it can limit their ability to think critically and independently. In a world that needs more free thinkers—people who can reason and question authority when it’s wrong—it’s important to encourage their voices. After all, do we want our children to simply follow the loudest voice, or do we want them to stand up for what’s right?

The challenge, however, is that kids often backtalk because they don’t yet know how to filter their opinions properly. During their adolescence, their emotional maturity is still developing, which means they tend to argue from a place of selfishness. For example, when you tell them it’s time for bed, their response might be:

“But I want to stay up later! That’s not fair!”

Instead of saying,

“Okay, Mom. You’re right. I should go to bed.”

But let’s be honest, that level of maturity is unrealistic, right? Kids often don’t understand what they need—they only know what they want. This is where we, as parents, step in. They need guidance on how to express their opinions respectfully, and it’s our job to show them how to do this. Instead of shutting down their ability to question us, we should teach them how to do so in a productive, respectful way. This approach not only helps them navigate their feelings but also models how to express themselves lovingly.

Backtalk solutions made simple

So how can parents teach their children that it’s okay to think for themselves, question things to gain a better understanding, and do it in a respectful and kind way? Ultimately, that’s what we want for our kids as they navigate the world. We want them to stand up for what’s right and not follow the crowd blindly.

But we also want them to respect authority.

The key here is balance. We want to create an environment where kids feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and questioning what doesn’t make sense to them. But we also want them to understand the importance of being respectful, especially when interacting with authority figures. So how can we do this?

Let’s look at some responses to backtalk that teach both respect and independent thinking. These responses come from my own experiences and my faith, though I understand that not everyone shares the same perspective. Even so, I believe that the principles can be applied universally. Most parents want their children to be respectful to authority, while also being free thinkers who aren’t afraid to speak up for what’s right. One of my favorite quotes by Malcolm Muggeridge speaks to this balance perfectly:

Logical responses when your child talks back in a disrespectful way

“Do you want to try that again in a respectful way?”

If you’ve already set a respectful tone in your home, this simple question can help your child recognize immediately that their response was disrespectful. I believe in giving kids second chances, especially when they seem to be having a tough day. By asking this, you give them the opportunity to reflect on what they said and find a more respectful way to express themselves. This also allows them to recognize that their feelings are valid, but the way they communicate those feelings matters.

“I would appreciate you responding kindly first, then you may ask why.”

The word “obedience” often carries a negative connotation, especially in our culture. We tend to see authority as something oppressive, but in reality, obedience to authority can be good for the soul, especially when that authority has our best interests in mind. In our home, we believe in God, and He is our ultimate authority. As parents, our goal is to be ambassadors of God’s authority, not controlling figures who demand obedience for the sake of control.

I believe that God has entrusted me with my children, and with that comes a great responsibility to guide them toward what is right. As a parent, I try to make sure that the rules I set and the discipline I enforce are aligned with what is truly good for my children, not just based on my own desires or frustrations. When my child responds with backtalk, I try to approach the situation with a perspective of understanding and compassion, asking myself whether I’m asking something that is truly beneficial for them or if it’s more about what I want in the moment.

Me: “Hey, go brush your teeth. It’s time to be done watching the movie and get ready for bed.”

My son: “What?! But I want to finish the movie. There are just 10 minutes left!”

Me: “I would appreciate you responding kindly first, then you may ask why. Want to try again?”

My son: “Okay, Mom. Would it be okay if I first finished the movie before I go do that? There’s only a little bit left.”

If I recognize that my son’s reason is valid, I may reconsider and let him finish the movie. However, if there’s a bigger reason at play, like him having had a bad night’s sleep, I’ll explain that.

Me: “I’d love to let you finish, but the reality is, you didn’t sleep well last night, so the sooner you get in bed, the better.”

If his response is still disrespectful or if he continues questioning my reasoning, he knows there will be a consequence. At the end of the day, I’m still the parent. It’s my responsibility to teach him what is right and wrong, and this is where many parents give in. They back off, but when you do that, kids start thinking they’re the ones who make the rules. It’s important to hold firm and ensure they understand that authority is there for their own good.

Choose your and their momentary discomfort over convenience

I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of choosing convenience over discomfort in parenting. Sometimes, it’s just easier to give in, but is that what’s truly best for my kids? No, they need structure. If they were allowed to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, not only would they think life would always go their way, but they’d also learn to treat others with unkindness and disrespect.

There’s a balance to everything. While we want to extend grace to our children because we love them, sometimes they need a firm hand. Love isn’t just about warm feelings and giving them everything they want. Loving them also means disciplining them so they can learn important life lessons.

But what is discipline? Discipline isn’t just about correction—it’s about teaching, guiding, and gently pointing your child toward truth. It’s focusing on the heart, not just the behavior, and it’s about connecting with them before correcting them.

I’m active in a lot of parenting forums, and I came across a thread where a woman asked, “I can’t get my 10-year-old to stop playing video games. It’s all he wants to do all day. What do I do?”

My first thought was, “Who’s the parent here? Just tell him NO.”

This is where I would challenge this parent to ask themselves: Is playing video games all day what’s truly best for their son? Is that what he needs, or does he need an authority figure to step in and protect him from his own choices? Ultimately, because children aren’t yet capable of making decisions based on their needs, they tend to make decisions based on their desires. As parents, it’s our job to guide them and protect them from this.

Create moments with your kids for productive dialogue

I’ll never forget the conversation I had with my 10-year-old the other day.

Every now and then, we hold a little family meeting to discuss what’s going well and what could use some improvement—both on our end and the kids’. We also let our son share his thoughts on all of this. When I asked him what he thought was going well in our family, he said, “I’m happy you don’t just let me play video games all the time. I can tell how it makes me feel crabby if I play too much.” In that moment, I realized that even though he gets upset when I ask him to stop playing video games, he understands the benefits of it. It showed me that my authority is not just helpful in the present moment but also in shaping his future.

Can you imagine how hard his future relationship with a spouse might be if I let him do whatever he wanted, especially with video games? Not only would he face a wake-up call from his wife, but it could negatively impact their relationship due to his lack of self-control. Authority and discipline teach children how to exercise self-control.

However, if I withheld something he enjoyed because I feared he’d get addicted or it would negatively impact his life, he’d never learn how to enjoy things with balance. Once he left our home, he’d have no guidance on how to manage his interests responsibly.

Remember, you are the parent.

Our job as parents is to find this balance. That doesn’t mean we never take video games away when we see unhealthy habits forming; there’s a time and place for that. But we also use things like video games as teachable moments. The same goes for backtalk. We use those instances of disobedience to guide him on the right way to respond, instead of just sending him to his room because he talked back. That would address the behavior, not the heart issue. If we don’t understand and listen to the source—the heart, soul, and mind—we can’t address the symptoms properly.

The hope is that our responses will eventually turn disrespectful backtalk into productive conversations that benefit everyone. And sometimes, I have to apologize and admit I was wrong! I might have forgotten a promise I made or taken it back, and it’s important for me to own that. These moments only happen if I allow my child to be a free thinker, respectfully ask questions, but always obey first.

I hope this has been helpful. I know how frustrating it can be to break the cycle of unhealthy and disobedient backtalk. Be patient with your kids! If they’ve been used to responding disrespectfully, it can take time to change.

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Back-Pocket Phrases for Responding to Backtalk

“Do you want to try that again in a kind voice?”

“I’m okay with you questioning me, I’m not okay with how you did it. Try again in a kind voice.”

“That is my boundary. Next time you want something different, ask in a respectful way please.”

“That was not a kind response. How do you think you should have responded?

“I’m going to need a respectful response first, then you may say what you need to say.”

“I’m totally up for hearing your side of things. Can you try it in a kind voice?”

“I’m not your enemy and I would love to listen. Why don’t you take a break for a minute and we can revisit this when you feel better.”

“I need to think about it. Next time you want something different, please ask me in private.”

“This is a non-negotiation matter. Let’s discuss the “why” after we cool down a bit.”

“I hear you. Let’s talk about this when we’re both calm so we can solve this together.”

DIGITAL WELLNESS RESOURCES

  • Bark Premium (Parental Control App): This app helps monitor content on your child’s phone, providing coverage for texts, emails, social media, and more. Use the code WFTBBLOG for an extra month free. It’s a great tool for parents who need more control over what their children access online.
  • The Bark Phone: If you’re looking for a safe phone for your child, this option includes the phone, Bark Premium, and wireless service for $49/month. It allows parents to control which apps and features their child can access, making it suitable for both younger and older kids.
  • Covenant Eyes (Computer Use): A tool for managing content on computers, Covenant Eyes helps filter inappropriate websites and provides screen accountability, ensuring your child stays safe online.
  • Bark Home & VidAngel (TVs, Gaming Consoles, and At-Home Protection)

Bark Home: This tool helps manage screen time and filter websites on all internet-connected devices in your home, including gaming consoles and TVs.

VidAngel: Allows you to skip or mute inappropriate content on popular streaming platforms like Netflix and Hulu.

  • Screen Time Checklist Printable: A free downloadable checklist to help manage your child’s screen time, which can be a great tool for parents looking to establish healthy boundaries around technology.

    BOOK & JOURNALING FOR KIDS

    • Parenting Book Recommendations
      A curated list of books to help guide parents on their parenting journey.
    • Kid’s Journals
      Printable journals designed to help kids express their feelings, practice gratitude, and spark creativity. Perfect for children who are starting to write, draw, or color.

    CHORES FOR KIDS

    • Magnetized Chalk Chart for the Fridge: A fun and interactive way for kids to keep track of their chores. This tool helps kids stay on top of their tasks without constant reminders, fostering discipline and follow-through.
    • Chore Chart Printable: A Mandalorian-themed chore chart that’s printable and designed to make chores more fun. It’s a simple way to implement structure and responsibility in your child’s daily routine.

      EMOTIONAL CONNECTIVITY WITH YOUR KIDS

      • Emotional Connection Game
        A game designed to foster open, judgment-free communication between parents and children. It creates a safe space for kids to share their feelings and questions without the fear of consequences. This game helps deepen the emotional bond with your child.
      • Exemption Time
        A period where anything your child shares during the emotional connection game is off-limits for consequences, allowing them to speak freely and feel heard.

      These resources are great for parents seeking to provide structure, safety, and emotional support in their children’s lives. Whether it’s managing screen time, teaching responsibility with chores, or connecting emotionally, you’re offering practical tools for nurturing well-rounded children.

      CONCLUSION

      In conclusion, balancing technology use, emotional connection, and responsibility is key to effective parenting. The resources you’ve shared, such as the Bark Premium app for phone safety, the Bark Phone for controlled smartphone use, and tools like Covenant Eyes for computer monitoring, are invaluable for parents looking to ensure their children stay safe online while respecting healthy boundaries. Along with Bark Home and VidAngel for managing content at home, these tools help create a balanced digital environment for children.

      In addition, journaling, interactive chore charts, and games to foster emotional connection provide parents with practical ways to nurture their child’s growth, responsibility, and emotional well-being. Using tools like the Magnetized Chalk Chart or Mandalorian Chore Chart can help make household tasks more engaging while teaching essential life skills.

      Ultimately, the combination of these resources empowers parents to guide their children with love, structure, and discipline, fostering healthy habits and deeper emotional connections. By being proactive with technology and focusing on emotional well-being, parents can help their children grow into well-rounded, responsible individuals.

      THESE PEOPLE COULD HAVE USED A TWICE THOUGHT BEFORE GETTING THEIR NEW TATTOOS

      Tattoos are a form of self-expression, a way to mark significant moments or simply to adorn the body. However, sometimes, a tattoo can go horribly wrong. Whether it’s a typo, a poorly executed design, or a tattoo that simply doesn’t age well, there are plenty of examples of people who might regret their decision to get inked. Let’s take a look at some of the most cringe-worthy tattoos.

      WORKING FROM HOME WENT TOO FAR

      Sure, we’ve all had those days when choosing an outfit feels too much, and going without seems tempting. But, as we all know, society expects a bit more modesty. Enter this guy, who’s bypassed the wardrobe dilemma entirely. No more clothes shopping or sun exposure worries for him—talk about a bold move!

      GOING WITH THE LOVE ANGLE

      It’s clear what they were aiming for with this tattoo, but a complete reversal might be the best bet now. While a permanent tribute to a child’s significance is touching, a permanent spelling error? Not so much. The humor here lies in the fact that not only has mom unintentionally become an “angle,” but the statement itself is, you guessed it, also at an angle!

      ANYONE KNOW WHAT DATE HALLOWEEN IS?

      Alright, we’re assuming this isn’t meant to be the Bride of Chucky, but who could it be instead? Avril Lavigne? Britney Spears? Amanda Seyfried’s character from Mean Girls? Honestly, we’re stumped, which doesn’t exactly speak well for the tattoo artist. And what’s she holding with those creepy claws? It looks like either a tiny microphone or a gigantic lipstick. Once again, we’re at a loss!

      WE’RE ABSOLUTELY OWLING

      This hawk, falcon, or whatever it is, might need to lay off the snacks if it wants to stay airborne! But if it can’t take flight, it’ll at least make a steadfast shoulder companion for its owner. Maybe the bird isn’t as chunky as it appears; it’s just that its small beak makes its round body look even more pronounced.

      PLAY AT YOUR OWN RISK

      Oh no. If this is some sort of gambling machine, we definitely don’t want to be around when it pays out! It has all the signs of a bachelor party blunder or maybe the result of a losing bet—fitting with the theme, at least. We can only imagine how many people have tried to insert a coin into this slot. Not a pleasant thought.

      FINDING DIRECTION IN LIFE

      Spelling mistakes are bad enough, but when your entire tattoo is a compass, getting the directions right should be a top priority. Mixing up East and West might be somewhat forgivable (though it is permanent ink!), but confusing North and South? That’s quite the feat. Luckily, this lady’s compass is unlikely to lead her astray since she won’t be able to see it anyway!

      PUTTING YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD

      This is a classic example of a terrible idea executed flawlessly. The design itself is superb, but we can’t quite grasp the reasoning behind permanently inking a sneaker onto your foot. And who’s going to tell him that a pair of Chuck Taylor Converse costs less than the time spent on this tattoo? Still, the craftsmanship of the artwork is undeniably impressive.

      DON’T STOP BELIEVING

      A big shoutout to all the kids who paid attention in elementary school—this is why spelling matters! Many jobs require a solid grasp of language, and tattooing is definitely one of them. Even if a client provides a design idea, it’s up to the artist to double-check and ensure everything is correct. Unless, of course, they were playing a prank on this guy: plot twist!

      A NOT SO KILLER QUEEN

      Is this real life or just fantasy? Freddie would surely be in an emotional landslide if he saw this artist’s take on him. The tattoo is based on such an iconic image of the Queen star that it’s clear who it’s meant to be, but the execution falls short. For starters, what’s going on with his left eye?

      STATING THE OBVIOUS

      It’s hard to imagine anyone disagreeing with this statement! Despite its jarring nature, there’s something endearing about the irony and self-deprecation of this tattoo, making it slightly less problematic than some of the others on this list. Finding positives isn’t easy, but at least all seven words are spelled correctly—a definite win! Beyond that, we’re at a loss. Fans of red and black might have a different opinion.

      THAT’S A LITTLE BIT CHEEKY

      Alright, we get it—you’re a proud parent. But a face tattoo? The ink color and intense shading give this tattoo an oddly aggressive vibe. It’s a shame because the subject matter is really cute! Unfortunately, this piece might end up in a folder with countless other face tattoos that perhaps should have been declined by the artist.

      WHEN YOU HAVE EYES IN THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD

      Anyone with kids knows that claiming to have eyes in the back of your head is a great way to get them to behave when they think you’re not watching. Maybe that’s the idea behind this unusual tattoo. To be fair, the tattoo itself is impressively realistic and well-executed, though the accompanying haircut doesn’t do it any favors.

      HAS ANYONE SEEN BRENDA?

      Oh, Brenda, you must be quite the special lady. Although this tattoo borders on the creepy or psychotic, there are definitely some romantic undertones. We’re sure everyone would agree that we hope this guy and Brenda stay together, or things could get awkward for his next partner. Unless, of course, his next partner is also named Brenda.

      JUDGEMENT DAY SHOULD BE INTERESTING

      It’s hard to know where to begin with this one. The obvious issue is the apparent typo—though we assume it’s a typo? If it was intentional, the joke isn’t clear at all. Awkward. Once you get past the mishandled text, your attention shifts to the, um, image below. What appears to be a swollen hand with a ladybug on top is actually a fetus. Yikes.

      NO ONE’S IDEA OF A HAPPY MEAL

      This might be one of the most bizarre tattoo concepts we’ve ever encountered. This reimagined Ronald McDonald is giving off serious Heath Ledger’s Joker vibes and honestly looks like it’s straight out of a horror movie. Who knew the mascot of the world’s largest fast-food chain could be so ripped? Presumably, he’s not eating burgers all day—though maybe that’s the secret to a six-pack?

      GOTHAM PROBABLY DOESN’T NEED A HERO LIKE THIS

      Our first impression of this somewhat scrawny caped crusader is that it looks like a child’s drawing turned permanent by a proud parent. If that’s the case, we understand, kind of. However, if this was designed by an adult, our sympathy is much lower. The set of razor-sharp teeth in Batman’s wide-open mouth looks quite menacing. He’s supposed to be a bat, not a shark, right?

      NOTHING WRONG WITH A BIT OF SELF-REFLECTION

      Most people who regret a tattoo from their younger days usually consider removal or, if that’s not feasible, a convincing cover-up. Less common, though, is the addition of a disclaimer asterisk, but we’re actually here for it! This touch of self-deprecation turns what could be a slightly tragic tattoo into a humorous moment—in a good way. Instead of hiding from his past, this guy is playfully embracing it.

      KEEPING IT REAL CLASSY

      Who’s going to break the news that his tattoo actually adds up to 489, not “party time”? This is one of those tattoos you hope is done with a temporary marker or biro pen, but unfortunately, it’s permanent ink. Still, if anyone asks about his hobbies, he doesn’t need to say a word—he can just roll up his sleeve.

      DON’T LOOK AT IT DIRECTLY!

      If you’re getting a tattoo focused on perfect circular shapes, like moon phases (which we assume is the intention), it’s crucial that the circles are actually round. Granted, tattooing on a limb with its uneven surface is challenging, but this is particularly problematic. Not only are the moons oddly shaped, but the eclipse shadow is all over the place.

      SOMEONE PROBABLY SMOKED A LITTLE TOO MUCH

      No, we definitely see the irony here. Let’s call it life imitating art—or in this case, artwork. We’d guess that the person who got this tattoo might enjoy a toke or two, but they probably should have had someone who could spell handle the job. Or maybe someone who wasn’t high? Let’s hope the typo was intentional and part of a joke, which, to be fair, could be kind of funny.

      IS IT A BIRD, IS IT A FORMER PRESIDENT?

      At least the person had the courage to share this “unique” tattoo in hopes of finding an artist to cover it up. While there may be people who think this SuperTrump design is fantastic, clearly the owner views it as a mistake. Mr. Trump would surely appreciate those abs and that jawline, though!

      WHEN YOU RUN OUT OF MONEY FOR THE WHOLE CAST

      To be honest, this is actually a pretty good tattoo. But what happened to poor Timon? Or rather, what didn’t happen? It looks like the tattoo artist finished up only for the client to point out that Timon, the hilarious meerkat from The Lion King, was missing. Not to worry, they decided to add him in quickly. Unfortunately, Timon now looks even more like a snack for a hyena.

      MERMAIDS SURE AREN’T WHAT THEY USED TO BE

      Freshly done and still oozing with blood, one can only imagine the thoughts of the poor guy who has yet to see the monstrosity now permanently inked on his back. We can’t see his reaction, but it must have been something to behold. Honestly, this “piece” is so bad it’s hard to critique it meaningfully.

      A WOLF IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING

      What is it with tattoo artists and wolves? Or, more accurately, what is it with subpar tattoo artists and wolves? It seems the fearsome wolf is a common stumbling block for many, as this example clearly shows. To be fair, even poorly done wolf tattoos usually resemble the animal to some extent! This one, however, looks more like the prey a wolf would be hunting—a sheep or perhaps a deer?

      IT’S TIME TO FACE THE MUSIC

      No matter how questionable (or downright terrible) a tattoo might be, there’s usually some logic behind it. The execution may be lacking, but the intended design is often clear. Not in this case, though. We’ve stared at this monstrosity for ages and it’s still a mystery! To make matters worse, its location on the body makes it even more painful to look at—covering up half a face is no easy feat.

      PIKACHU DID THAT TO YOU?

      Poor Pikachu, it’s tough to see you like this! There are undoubtedly thousands of fantastic Pokémon-themed tattoos out there, but sadly, this isn’t one of them. Apparently, the left eye was so poorly done that the recipient requested an eye patch to be added midway through the process. While we’re all for making the best of a bad situation, wouldn’t it have been safer to just stop and rethink?

      NOW THAT’S WHAT YOU CALL A PINUP

      Ah yes, the tradition of pinup tattoos continues, though this example is lacking in many ways. It’s ironic that a style meant to exude sensuality and allure ends up being anything but. Where do we start with this one? Beyond the fact that this “pinup” looks like it was drawn by an elementary school student, the exaggerated proportions are what really make it stand out. Clearly, a long torso is the new long legs!

      IS THAT A JACKSON POLLOCK?

      You know that disapproving aunt everyone has who thinks all tattoos are ugly, no matter what? Well, in her eyes, this is what every tattoo looks like. Even the most laid-back “express yourself” types would have a hard time finding anything positive about this one—if we can even call it that. Our only hope is that not everything on this back is permanent ink—please let it be a Sharpie!

      RUNNING FROM THE WOLVES

      There seems to be something particularly challenging about accurately tattooing wolves. Is it their notorious distant gaze? Their calm yet intimidating presence? Whatever it is, this artist could use more time studying wolves before permanently inking someone’s skin again. While the overall quality of this tattoo is lacking, it’s the wolf cub—or is it a badger?—that really gets us laughing.

      THE RECIPIENT WAS FEELING CHIRPY AFTER THIS RESCUE

      This is the tattoo equivalent of snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. What started as one of the worst attempts at a blackbird (and a framed mirror) has been mercifully salvaged by a skilled artist. This is a perfect example of why it’s okay to halt a tattoo session if you’re worried about the artistic direction—or, in this case, the lack thereof.

      CONCLUSION

      While tattoos can be beautiful and meaningful, it’s important to approach the decision with caution. A poorly executed tattoo can be a lifelong regret. Always do your research, choose a reputable artist, and consider the potential consequences before committing to a permanent design. Remember, a little extra thought can go a long way in ensuring your tattoo is something you’ll be proud of for years to come.